The Ride That Helped Me Release

How cycling became more than movement — it became a pathway to healing, balance, and the beginning of Velo Vybe.

This is Part I of a two-part reflection on how cycling became more than movement for me. Before there was Velo Vybe, there was a season of overwhelm, grief, motherhood, stress, and release.

In this first part, I share how cycling became a place where I could breathe, cry, reflect, and begin again. In Part II, I will share how this journey helped me understand the deeper connection between the mind, body, spirit, and emotions — and how that understanding became part of the foundation for Velo Vybe.

In 2023, I was at my wit’s end.

At that time, things were beginning to normalize after Covid, but I was spent. While many people had become remote workers during the pandemic, I had already been working remotely since 2018. By then, I needed to get out of my home.

Everything was there — my job, my son, his changing attitude, the dog, the dishes, the laundry, and every responsibility that seemed to be waiting on me. My home no longer felt like a place of rest. It felt like the place where every demand lived.

My son was going through puberty, and it felt like it was at an all-time high. The attitude, the pushback, the emotional shifts — all of it was a lot. The only person who truly understood what I was experiencing was my best friend because she had two teenage girls. But even then, I did not always want to burden her with my problems.

I remember one day being so angry that I felt like I was about to lose myself. It was one of those moments when I no longer saw my son through the patient eyes of a mother. I saw him as my opponent.

And that scared me.

That day, I wanted a cigarette.

At the time, I had been smoke-free for three years, and I did not want to return to that habit. But the temptation was real. I wanted something — anything — that would help me release the pressure I was carrying.

That was when I knew something had to change.

I could not keep holding everything in. I could not keep functioning from a place of anger, exhaustion, and emotional overload. I needed a healthier way to release what I was feeling before it came out in a way I would regret.

For several years, I had taken kickboxing, and it helped me relieve stress. But when Covid came, the classes stopped. Once in-person classes started again, I did not really have a desire to go back.

I wanted something different.

That is when I thought about cycling. During Covid, I had bought bikes for my son and me. I remembered the first time we went on the trail and how difficult it was for me to even pedal one mile. I also remembered a bicycle instructional class in Baltimore that had stopped during Covid. I went back to the website and, lo and behold, classes had resumed. I signed up for the April 2023 instructional class.

That is where my love for cycling began.

Healing Through Cycling

The following year, in February 2024, my son turned sixteen, and he was really “smelling himself.” In my eyes, he was becoming even more difficult to deal with. At the same time, I was still grieving the death of my father. So, when cycling season came around, I was ready to ride.

At first, I did not fully understand how much cycling was helping me mentally and emotionally.

Then one day, after my son and I got into a huge argument, I felt that familiar urge again. I thought I needed a cigarette. But the words that came out of my mouth were:

“I need to ride my bike.”

I was honestly shocked that I said those words. But when I thought about it, it made perfect sense. I knew exercise could improve your mood, and cycling was exercise. But this felt deeper than that. I thought about how good I felt after riding and realized that cycling was actually helping me release what I was carrying.

I had become somewhat comfortable going out and riding alone. But once I made the connection between cycling and my mood, the bike became more than exercise.

It became my stress reliever.

It became my outlet.

It became one of the places where I could breathe again.

So I started riding more.

In August 2024, I had an epiphany. I felt like my job was no longer serving me and that it was time for me to pivot into something different. I did not know where the thoughts were coming from, and I did not know what that “different” thing was. But the thoughts were so strong that they started interfering with my ability to focus on my current job responsibilities.

For the last two weeks of August, I was consumed with thoughts of leaving my job.

I thought about starting a cycling group. I thought about one of the many business ideas I had carried over the years. But it did not take long before anxiety showed up because, from the outside looking in, leaving my job probably seemed crazy. I had a very nice salary. I had always excelled. I worked remotely. I had flexibility; and I was trusted to do my work without being micromanaged.

In many ways, it was the kind of job people pray for.

But even with all of those benefits, I could not ignore what I was feeling. Something in me knew that I was being called to something different. In my gut, I knew this urge to leave was spiritual in nature. I felt like I had to be obedient to God’s plan for me, even though I did not fully understand what that plan was.

Interestingly, I had experienced this same feeling in 2017. That feeling led me to relocate to Maryland with very little notice. At that time, I believed the job offer was orchestrated by God because of how it came about.

Now, I felt God telling me that it was time to transition again. I was forty-eight years old, and I knew I could not keep starting over without intention. I wanted to make the best decision for my life. I was already in therapy, but I felt like I needed to cultivate my spiritual roots so that I could make an informed decision with God involved this time.

That decision led me to a personal development program that focused on the holistic development of the self.

When I Could No Longer Push Through

I was able to get through September and end the fiscal year with another exceptional performance evaluation. I thought I was back to normal, so I decided to take the first week of October off to regroup. But when I returned to work on October 7, I still could not focus. I could not concentrate long enough to complete a case. This went on for about two weeks before I scheduled a meeting with my supervising judge.

My inability to work was bothering me because I value my work ethic. I was starting to feel like a failure. I did not know what to tell my judge except the truth.

During the meeting, I explained that I was in therapy and that I was experiencing increased anxiety as my father’s birthday and the anniversary of his death approached in November. I also explained that therapy was bringing up other traumas I did not know I had, and I was having to process those feelings.

To my surprise, she was extremely supportive and understanding. She told me to take the time I needed.

So I decided to take six weeks off from work.

By this time, I had joined a local gym. Initially, the gym was supposed to be for my son, but I took advantage of a “buy one, get one” deal that allowed both of us to try the program for six weeks from September to mid-October.

During those six weeks, I lost seven pounds, which I was glad to see. I decided to stay for an additional six weeks to participate in the “Lil Black Dress” challenge. The challenge required consistency with workouts and following an eating plan. At the end, each participant was invited to show off their results on the red carpet at a “Lil Black Dress” event.

I was not necessarily excited about the challenge itself. But because I felt like I was not being effective at work or at parenting, I thought it would give me something positive to focus on. I hoped the morning workouts would help me build momentum so I could become effective again.

I also thought the workouts would improve my mood, help me manage the stress of parenting a teenage son, and maybe help me lose more weight in the process.

It seemed like a win-win.

At the same time I started the challenge, I also began a personal development program with Inner Visions Institute for Spiritual Development. Through that program, I learned about setting intentions, “I AM” statements, and living authentically.

The classes became a supplement to the therapy I was already receiving. Between therapy and my personal development classes, I started learning things about myself that I had not fully recognized before. I became aware that I had been emotionally unavailable in certain ways because of feelings of rejection and neglect. I saw how I had become a people-pleaser. I saw my need for validation and how it was connected to feelings of unworthiness, doubt, and fear.

Figuring out where those feelings originated — and how they had been reinforced throughout my life — was painful. It was years of pain that I had packed up and carried around like luggage.

As I reflected and processed those feelings, I began to experience guilt, shame, and inadequacy. But I also knew that if I wanted to be free, I had to allow myself to feel the pain. I had to stop running from it. I had to acknowledge it, accept it, and then forgive myself for allowing those beliefs to play such a pivotal role in my life and relationships.

During that season, the gym challenge motivated me to get out of bed. It gave me an outlet to release stress and tension. My best friend remained one of the few people I could talk to openly about what I was feeling. The instructors and participants in my personal development program were supportive as well.

But aside from them, my bike became my place of comfort. It became the place where I could be alone with myself and with God. I had many crying sessions on my bike. But the interesting thing is that I always felt better afterward. The more I allowed myself to cry, the lighter I felt.

Eventually, the crying stopped.

At the time, I thought cycling was simply helping me manage stress. But later, I would understand that something much deeper was happening. My body, mind, emotions, and spirit were all trying to find their way back into balance.

That realization would change how I saw healing — and eventually, it would become the foundation for Velo Vybe.